I’m not sleeping very well at the moment. I drift off with Poppy but am wide awake by the time the nurse comes to check Poppy’s observations at 2am (temperature, blood pressure, sats, respiratory rate, capillary refill) and my whirring mind won’t switch off. I spend the time sending messages, updating everyone on our day and it occurs to me that I’m copying and pasting the same message several times over for hours on end. It’s helping me process my thoughts and look after those at home, but it’s also exhausting and overwhelming at times. An idea for a digital diary is forming, a way of keeping everyone informed in one place. Perhaps one day, something to look back on, when all of this is over and it’s just a minor detail in an otherwise bright and happy lifetime.
When Poppy made us parents for the first time, we were thrown into a world we’d only ever imagined. Despite thinking we were ready for this new adventure, we found there is so much more to becoming a parent than we realised. It felt like overnight, everything we had previously known and been familiar with had evaporated and as a result, our lives were tipped completely upside down. Everything we did revolved around caring for this tiny, new human. Our world suddenly seemed very small, and very little mattered outside of our wonderful, new bubble of love.
The reason for my sentimentality is that I’ve always thought that becoming a new mum for the first time was such a unique experience. In fact, I’ve often told people that there is nothing else quite like it. Even when Daisy followed two short years later, the experience we had in those early days with her was so different. Our lives were already set up for life with a baby and being the jolly soul she is, she just happily slotted in to our existing rhythm.
This experience with Poppy’s illness so far has taken me right back to her newborn days. The daily whatsapp messages of love and support, the many cards brightening up our household and parcels heaved to our door by the postman. All the cliches feeling SO true and understanding for the first time how these words and phrases became so overused to begin with. Taking things slowly. Day by day, sometimes even hour by hour. Adjusting to a new normal. Feeling like you are bursting with love for this person and everyone else around you. Appreciating the little things. The simple things. Eventually understanding that with every new phase, this too shall pass.
So here we are. Hello SweetP – the blog. A new kind of family adventure. Not the one I had in mind when I resigned from my position in early March with the aim of finding a better balance for our family. But here we are all the same, and since we’re here, we’re going to make the best of it. As our kind friend Lizzie (of Happy Beans fame) said “You’re on this train, now you’ve just got to ride it the best way you can!”
Hold on tight, it’s going to be a bumpy ride…